Job 20:08

If I were Heather Mills McCartney I'd be in hiding right about now. In this time of global economic crisis anything and everything must be done to ensure that we can get ourselves back on our feet and enjoy our unwarranted Western luxuries. After all, we can't sit around and procrastinate over the best way to help out our Third World inferiors without driving to meetings in our brand new Mercedes Benz, wearing an expertly cut Giorgio Armani suit, and discussing aid over ridiculously priced fish eggs. No sir, we must save ourselves before we save others, and even then only save others if we have enough money left over. That is the Western way and we shall be damned if that's going to change any time soon!

With this terrible situation surrounding us it may be time to turn to more drastic, some might say ludicrous, methods of salvation. We must make a sacrifice to the gods. We must offer up one of our own; someone who personifies Western greed, someone who epitomises pure evil from the bowels of Hell. If I were Heather Mills McCartney I'd soon be roasting away in a wicker leg, given up to higher beings in an attempt to save ourselves and our wonderful personal wealth. And if that didn't work we could always use the £24 million she clawed out of Sir Paul to bankroll the, well, banks again. Long live Western decadence!

Woe unto us...