If I were a cow, or come to think of it any animal of the bovine persuasion, I'd have one pretty big beef. Ever since The Matrix certain young types (I believe they are referred to as "geeks", "nerds" or simply "spanners") find it empowering to wear an over sized leather duster out and about their local town precinct. Now, I wouldn't mind if one, they looked good, or moo, they performed the basic functions that a coat should but as they don't I think I'm entitled to feel a little grazey about it.
Let's take the look. If what you're going for is a slightly perverted sado-masochist then I admire your brazenness. However, you just look like an udder twat. Heck, Keanu Reeves could barely pull it off and that is one excellent dude. What makes you think a greasy-haired, bespectacled, acne-ridden, bum fluff-sporting pipsqueak can? The coat itself is fairly aesthetic in design; that is to say that it's supposed to look pretty rather than keep you from the wet and the cold (although anyone smart enough would surely check out the leather forecast before leaving the house). Most of them don't even do up at the front, leaving one exposed to the elements. Nor do they come with a cowl to keep you dry.
So if I were a cow and my hide was being made into these overpriced excuses for outerwear I'd say "give them the hoof!"
Oh, and sorry for all the bovine puns but if I were a cow, I'd find them quite amoosing...
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